sticking my neck out
07.19.2007 at 9:42 PM
So I don�t remember exactly when I started writing again, but I joined a dating website almost 2 months ago . I started talking to a few people and even went out with a few guys. Both of the Mark and Jer were really nice guys. I started talking to Jer first but then met Mark first, but I kind of got the impression that mark wasn�t that interested so I concentrated on Jer, but that ended up with the bed kiss, which I ended up commiserating over with mark, who was a fabulous kisser by the way. It�s funny though, because after all this Mark and I have been chatting almost every day.
He and his ex decided to go ahead and list the house rather than waiting until next spring. They were going to wait until next spring because of a prepayment penalty on their mortgage but they decided to just go ahead and suck it up and get out of it. So one of the things we have talked about is the possibility of him moving into my spare room in between selling and finding a new place. We have talked about it a bit but I have some reservations. Mostly because I don�t know really hoe I feel about him and not having that cleared up before he moves in could be an awkward thing. We were talking last night about our dating (which is what we talk about a lot) and I asked him why we didn�t keep dating. I mean it wasn�t like we said we�d just be friends, he just started talking about the other women he had been talking to and had been interested in and I sort of took it as a sign that he wasn�t interested in me that way. But since then he always compliments me, calls me sexy or cute and just makes me feel like we aren�t completely on the platonic plane. So I started talking to him about it last night sort of wondering why we hadn�t kept dating and he seemed really surprised. His answer was �I don�t know!!!!!!!!�
Anyway, so the conversation sort of petered out and we left it at that. So I spend today writing up an email to try to explain what I�m thinking:
Mark,
So here's the thing. I can't commit to having you come live here when I'm not convinced yet that we are just platonic friends. I don't want to have you move in and then have things get awkward for either of us
because we aren't on the same page.
See, I am still open to dating you and don't know why we haven't dated since our super-long 20-hour date other than it was a bit overwhelming for a second date. I don't know if I gave the impression that I
wasn't interested or if you took my sleepiness to mean that. (I realized later that the reason I was feeling so out of it on Sunday was not only because of the huge amounts of wine which I'm not used
to, but also because I forgot one of my meds Saturday night and it happens to be the one that makes me sick if I don't take it).
You keep saying that I need someone younger and richer than you, and if you feel that we are mismatched and are using those as your reasons so you won't hurt me that's one thing. But if you are interested and
worried about those things, shouldn't that be something I get a say in?
I guess what I'm saying is I'm still interested in exploring this. If you aren't that's ok, just say that and I'll be fine with it. But please don't try to tell me what I should be looking for, because to me connecting with someone is MUCH more important than an age difference or financial status.
I'm not telling you this to put pressure on you or force any kind of decision; I'm just not quite ready to limit this to a solely platonic relationship when to me it seems that we like each other. Am I wrong about that?
Anyway, haven�t seen him online tonight and haven�t heard back from him.
bEfOrE ~ AftEr
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