i just couldn't leave it alone
02.24.2006 at 1:49 PM
It smells like spring outside today
So I couldn�t leave the Kelly thing alone after that last conversation. It ended so abruptly and he seemed to think I was being unreasonable, lie I was pushing him away so I couldn�t be rejected. Of course, when things like this happen I get caught up in trying to understand. Anyway, I couldn�t leave it alone, started chatting with him yesterday
Session Start (normaltoilet:KELLY): Thu Feb 23 14:20:20 2006
normaltoilet: do we need to talk more about this?
normaltoilet: i got cut off last night
KELLY: you still have me on your list...:">
KELLY: lol
normaltoilet: well didn't really seem to matter since you are always on stealth-mode i never see you there
KELLY: well I guess you have said all that you want to say..I cant really do anything to change that ever. (i still have you on my list..I was just messing with you)
normaltoilet: well, i feel bad
KELLY: DONT
KELLY: whatever is whatever, you are a difficult woman. I dont see you being happy if I gave you the world. I just feel like there is something missing that you want, something more in life
KELLY: I am curious though....
KELLY: just thinking....
normaltoilet: k........
KELLY: what if you dont find that ideal person
normaltoilet: it's not about finding the ideal person, it's about finding someone i click with, who also clicks with me, who wants the same things
KELLY: yes, thats what i mean. what if you dont find that person
normaltoilet: then i will just be me
normaltoilet: what if YOU don't find that person?
normaltoilet: then you'll just be you
KELLY: I can find that person. I am totally adaptable to anything as long as that person understands my needs also.
normaltoilet: so what you're saying is you'll adapt to whatever someone wants you to be?
KELLY: no, i mean i am not picky and searching for someone that has the same interest as me, because thats not possible., people change all the time and find other things that interest them. I know that you cannot find that person that is like you, there has to be some leeway there between you two, and you adapt to their needs as much as they do to yours
normaltoilet: I'm not saying i need somone who has the exact same interests as me , it's about clicking with who the person is, not what they do with their time
KELLY: ahuh
normaltoilet: and do you admit that with some people for some unexplainable reason you just click with them... and others you don't right?
normaltoilet: that's all i'm saying
KELLY: i think that everybody clicks, its just if you dont want to click with that person thats the key
normaltoilet: you really think so?
KELLY: yeah i do. there is something in every encounter that can blossom if both people let it, but usually it doesnt happen
normaltoilet: so you just think i'm being stubborn?
KELLY: i am not even going to say anything, its not my right to say anything...lol
normaltoilet: ok, so yeah you do
KELLY: but you know you are, so why ask me, you are the most stubborn person I have ever met. and i think you have wanted me to say that. lol
normaltoilet: LMAO
normaltoilet: i have had people tell me i'm stubborn, but never like this.
normaltoilet: like
KELLY: your're impossible but you want someone to stop you. you really do
normaltoilet: uuuuum ok
KELLY: lol
KELLY: you are
KELLY: you are lonely and you�re patient, but i know you wonder about things
normaltoilet: i wonder about what?
KELLY: you tell me, i am not telling what i see
normaltoilet: you have totally lost me because i don't know what you are alluding so vaguely to
KELLY: good.
KELLY: we'll see what happens in the future honey
normaltoilet: yeah i really just don't know what to say to that
KELLY: say to what?
normaltoilet: � KELLY: we'll see what happens in the future honey�
KELLY: lol
KELLY: there is nothing to say to that. i am just saying hopefully you get what you want
normaltoilet: so let me ask ou this...
normaltoilet: it sounds to me like you think love is something you have control over... is that right?
KELLY: no
KELLY: love is unconditionally uncontrollable
normaltoilet: ok, i feel like you are contradicting what you said before about choosing to click with someone
KELLY: you always think i am contradicting myself woman..lol
normaltoilet: i'm just trying to understand
KELLY: you dont really care though
normaltoilet: care about understanding?
KELLY: lol. why do you want to understand?
normaltoilet: because that's what i do
normaltoilet: i try to understand
KELLY: lol
KELLY: you are too funny just funny.
normaltoilet: have you ever heard of the book Now Discover Your Strengths? by the Gallup organization? I think you might really enjoy it even though it is a business-based book it's also interesting just on a human level (don't buy it used though, you need to buy it new so you have an individual code for the website.....)anyway... do that, then read the part about the strength called Context... that's me
KELLY: well why is it just that part of the book you and not the whole thing. you can just be one part of something, you don�t think you have other parts of that book in you?
normaltoilet: yes i do, but you do a test that goes along with the book, which is why you need a new book with a unique code for the website
normaltoilet: and context is my top thing, and it really does make sense
normaltoilet: kind of how you feel about numbers and people, that's how i feel about this book/test and people
KELLY: i see
KELLY: so just cause your not interested in astrology or numbers that�s the problem huh?
normaltoilet: what?
normaltoilet: i'm trying to explain how this book is relevant to me
normaltoilet: i was trying to compare it to something i know you understand
normaltoilet: anway, i have to go,
It�s funny I guess because I don�t know what I expected to resolve really, he seems to be determined in thinking that he knows me, and I feel like in a lot of ways that couldn�t be farther from the truth. In any case it doesn�t change anything, but I at least got rid of the guilt I was feeling from the conversation the night before.
bEfOrE ~ AftEr
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