Part III
10.01.2005 at 10:23 PM
Part III
Ok, so where had we gotten too.
Right
Headed back to his place.
By this time it was 1:30 or so, and we�d taken our treats quite a while earlier and simple effects were kicking in. we had talked about it a little, what to expect, and of course his concern of not giving me too much until we saw how it effected me. After I�d reminded him that I had used acid before, he was more comfortable with the situation, and merely said that this was in some ways similar, but also very different, and that what I might be expecting was probably not what I�d experience. That was pretty much all the description I got.
So we got back to his place, and were getting quite relaxed. we did a little online research trying to see if there was any info out there on the particular pills we had. They were called pink peacocks as they were pink and had a peacock stamped into them. Without any luck in finding those (we did see quite a nice variety out there though) we split the remaining half of my pill and settled into relaxation mode.
We both sent messages to our jobs stating that we�d been up all night sick and wouldn�t be in on Tuesday. (Wednesday when people asked how I felt I old them it must have been something I ate hehe) writing that one-line email took so much concentration and I had a stupid grin on my face as I pecked out the letters with one finger.
We intermittently chatted and zoned, chatted and zoned. Conversation was random and open. He said he was thinking he probably would move in with me. I asked where he got that scar on his chin. We talked about our families. I told him I had been scared to come over that evening because I figured this was going to be the final �fuck off� from him. H just said that wasn�t his style. We tried watching a movie, but I couldn�t focus enough to see the subtitles. He put on some music instead, and ended up showing me some of his old rave dance moves. It was hilarious! We were both laughing so hard. I told him I was sorry about the dancing, as it was my night to take blame I�d take blame for his sad dancing. Hehe. It was nice to be so wide awake yet completely relaxed. He kept sort of checking on me, asking how I felt, if I was ok, which I thought was protective and sweet. I asked him about how this was going to effect him, as far as the opiates part of the evening. Was this going to be hard for him. He didn�t seem concerned (as if an addict is really going to say oh yeah I�m gonna go over the edge, duh) but we have a pretty open dialogue about his addiction and it�s not like my actions or concerns are going to change anything he�d do. I asked him about his brother. I already knew what the current disagreement was about, but I figured that the situation was also much of what was weighing on him and causing part of his depression and anxiety. I asked if he thought he would talk to him anytime soon and he said no. I asked why he had been considering calling his brother to eat the x with him since they were on the outs. He said that he thought it would be good for them, for their relationship, a bonding experience to do something together. I know this may seem fucked up, but his brother and he have been inseparable though the party-hard days, the rehab, through everything. He really is his best friend and getting back into a comfortable setting is what their relationship really needs.
I went out on the fire escape a few times to smoke. The first time was just as the full effects were kicking in, and I was so comfortable sitting there I really had to struggle to drag myself back inside. His fire escape is over this tiny not-quite courtyard of an old brick building. Sitting there I had a perfect view of this crooked brick chimney that seemed to almost sway slightly in front of the stars.
The evening went quickly and the next thing I knew it was about the time my alarm would have been going off at home for me to get up for work. He doled out the �recovery meds� and although I was tired and ready to sleep he had me stay up for a while just to make sure I was still ok. So we chatted and zoned a bit more. I went to look for toothpaste and not finding any had to have him get up and look for it. I was just going to use my finger you know, but he gave me his toothbrush, another thing I thought was sweet.
I pulled up that email I had written, the one I was going to send if I hadn�t seen him that night. Neither of us had mentioned the fight Saturday, or the misunderstandings, miscommunications that seem to always lead to heated situations. So I had it pulled up, but he really wasn�t in talking mode at that point, more in zoned-mode, so I left it up on the computer thinking maybe we could talk about it later, in the morning or whenever. I just wanted to make sure the air was clear.
All of this seems odd to me at times. But it�s the labels, the perceptions that go with the labels that seem so inaccurate. I mean, here I am, doing X with an addict with felony convictions. How odd does that sound? But on the other hand, here I am, spending time with someone in whom I see such remarkable abilities and potential, who writes poetry, who confides in me, who tries to make a difference in the world through continual charity work. I don�t want to be someone who lets labels come before who a person actually is.
Anyway, finally I was �allowed� to sleep. I felt kind of like a concussion victim, that someone has to watch and care for to make sure there are no adverse reactions. I crawled into his bed and a while later he joined me. No, there was no sex or kissing, just comfortable sleeping side by side, cuddling with an arm around each other.
There I something to me about actually sleeping in a bed with someone that is so much more intimate than anything else. Not that I wouldn�t like to kiss him, or fuck him, but I know myself enough to know that I can�t be casual about those things, even if I�d like to be. But sleeping next to him, with his arm around me, that is something I can take pleasure in without anyone feeling like there are expectations or putting the elements of the friendship at risk.
So we slept, each of us taking turns with an arm around the other.
TO BE CONTINUED�
bEfOrE ~ AftEr
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