And that's the good news...

Tuesday, May. 11, 2004 at 3:21 P.M.


You know, I�ve always been better at flirting in writing (letters, emails) rather than in person. And that�s not saying much since my letters and emails pretty much stink. When I think I�m being subtle I am totally transparent, and when I try to be forward it comes out all wrong. Of course, I am worse at it in person because chances are the guy is looking at me, and I have never had much confidence in my appearance, even before I got all the roundness.

I think part of the appeal of �flirt-writing� is that, if done properly, you can always deny what someone reads into it if you need to save yourself some embarrassment. You can make things as abstruse or simple as possible, and then if it looks like it�s backfiring you have the option of denying the inner meaning that was taken. So I�m a lot braver when I�m writing, does that mean I�m a coward in real life? Pretty much I guess.

But is anyone ever really fooled by these writing tactics? I doubt it. While I�m always looking for hidden meaning where there is none, I bet my attempts at embedding my meaning in its transparent guise are never successful. Or who knows, maybe people are taking everything I write the wrong way and assuming inner meaning when I actually didn�t intend one.

I don�t know what is up with me today. I�m jittery, but not physically. My mind is all over and in and our and doing loop-de-loops around and around, stuck in the same cycle over and over. It�s like what I expect the manic side of manic depression to feel like, mind and heart racing, but I expect someone who�s manic does not recognize the cycle while they are in it, it�s more likely OCD.



bEfOrE ~ AftEr

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