Edging in on 3 years...how pathetic!
Monday, Apr. 12, 2004 at 3:09 P.M.
So my long-time friend and I were IM-ing today�comparing whose life is currently worse (we ended up agreeing that hers is) and I mentioned as one of my own points that it�s been 2 � years since I kissed anyone�and that was Brad. AAAhhh Brad.
What a great guy! There are so few people out there that I think are that great�I mean, if he decided to pop back into my life unannounced, and ask me to marry him, I wouldn�t be able to say yes fast enough!
Brad was one of those guys that hides well in a crowd. He�s so modest and down to earth that he was happy to just move along on his own path, not needing to draw attention to himself.
The bad thing about Brad: he was married. Well, separated, but still married, and hurting. Not a good combination.
We met at work, back when he was happily married, and one of the things that made me admire him as a person was the way he talked about this wife. There was none of this fluff, �My wife is so hot� or �My wife can really cook�. His remakes were genuine and more like �Without my wife I never would have gotten to where I am today.� They seemed more like a team. They met in high school and got married not long after graduation.
So we developed a friendly working relationship, and by friendly I mean professional, but not just on the polite level. We enjoyed chatting and kept tabs on each other. We even joked about how if only we�d met instead of he and Jen, thing would have been different. But it was just joking.
Anyway, we had worked together for about a year when he decided to change companies. We emailed off and on, and I figured that would be the way it would stay. He applied to the police force, was accepted and went into training.
But he made the effort from his rigorous training schedule to make it to my birthday dinner with a bunch of my friends. I had emailed him, inviting him and his wife to come, but when he got there he was alone. During the dinner the subject came up and I asked him where his wife was and all he said was �I don�t know�. I left that one alone. After dinner, he and I slowly walked out to our cars together, chatting all the way. I asked him what he was up to, he didn�t really know, but an invitation to do something else never came, so I just headed home. The next day I emailed and thanked him for coming, and mentioned that we should have done something afterwards, and BTW, what was up with him and his wife? His response was yea we should have gone out, he would have like that but was uncomfortable asking. Not used to the single scene, he and his wife had separated. We started emailing and calling each other more, and then we both backed off.
Then in the middle of that summer when I got home from work, there was a VM on my phone from him. I ended up heading over to his place for the evenings. His two vices, smoking and drinking were already well under way for the evening. We sat around and chatted, long meaningful stares, he let me drive his Mustang convertible up the canyon., But I went home at a respectable hour.
The next night when I got home I was greeted with another VM, which I promptly returned. I headed over with a monster bottle of wine, and since it was the weekend, no urge to be quite as responsible. Unfortunately, he did have to work the next day. We smoked, and chatted, and again with the long meaningful stares�.
I was in no shape to drive home (which he had made sure of by constantly refilling my cup) and when time for him to hit the hay rolled around he gave me the choice of sleeping arrangements. If course I chose his bed, for myself and for him. There was some awkwardness; some of his wife�s (Ex-Wife�s?) things were still sitting around the room. We both tried to ignore those things staring us in the face, pretending that he wasn�t still totally in love with her. There was some kissing, but I had no intention of being his rebound girl. So I gently stopped things when we were getting to that boundary, that point where you cross the line.
In the morning he got up and went to work. When I got up there was a note left for me, thanking me for not letting things go to far, where they might get awkward�but that�s exactly what happened. Things got awkward. The next thing I knew 9/11 hit, and like many couples they reevaluated their situation, and got back together. The calls back and forth quickly slowed down�the emails stopped entirely. My loss, but I didn�t mind if it meant he was happy.
But, that seems like such a long time ago..it was really�and queen of the dusty lips club I have become once more.
Another friend and I were talking last night about the problems with a fling. I honestly wish I could do the fling thing�get it out of my system and be casual about it, no strings, no regrets, no hurt feelings�but me emotions always seem to get involved�why is this so much harder for girls than guys? I mean, you�d think if I really wanted to I�d be able to separate physical from emotional, but it just doesn�t seem to work that way. Where goes one, the other quickly follows.
bEfOrE ~ AftEr
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