The Smoking Enigma
Tuesday, Jan. 20, 2004 at 7:37 A.M.
Why is it that smoking is something that I crave? I don�t like the taste, or the smell. Second-hand smoke just makes me nauseated (unless I�m drinking and then I just want one of my own) I don�t find it attractive if a man smokes (unless I�m smoking too)
Usually the craving is triggered by a book or movie where the characters are smoking fiends. It is not a social aid, something to fiddle with, to detract from the awkwardness, because I generally smoke alone.
The funny thing is there are a few small benefits of smoking, as odd as that may seem. I get more �fresh� air when I smoke because I always smoke outside, time that would otherwise be spent inside on the couch. And it increases my water intake. There is nothing like a long guzzle of agwa after a smoke or two. I know these don�t outweigh the problems from smoking, but it find it humorous that I can use these small benefits to deter my mind from thinking about the long-term problems I am causing.
I hate the smell that resonates in my trash can from placing the pack there with the good intention of getting rid of it, all the while knowing I will continue to rescue the pack from it�s stinky abyss until it is empty.
bEfOrE ~ AftEr
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