finished, again
05.02.2006 at 11:28 AM
me: I was just writing an email to you
how are you?
9:42 AM kelly: tired
9:43 AM just been stressed, i was going to write you one two. I had
just ran down to the car for a sec
9:44 AM me: why so stressed?
9:45 AM kelly: Bella, Bellas mother, life in general
me: right
9:47 AM so what were you gonna write to me?
9:51 AM kelly: what were you going to write me..
9:52 AM me: um, didn't i just ask that?
i was asking about what's going on and why I haven't seen you
kelly: yeah, i guess you did
9:53 AM well if you have time tonight, I will stop over, last night I
had low blood sugar or something and I was in this rage, finally
gabbie came home and bought me food and I felt better, but i fell
asleep
9:54 AM me: yeah, i'll be around later
9:59 AM look, i just kind of feel like you are mad at me or avoiding
me or something... am i totally off?
kelly: i am not trying to avoid you
10:00 AM I just dotn think I have the time to see you
I think you were right the last time before we got back together
10:01 AM and I cant juggle all of this at once, at least not now.
there is so much going on here
i will tell you later
10:02 AM me: ok, well maybe you shouldn't bother coming over tonight
then. I don't feel like i need to stress about straightening this out
if it's so impossible
10:03 AM kelly: oh brother.........
10:04 AM are you getting pissed at me?lol
me: i'm not being pissy, so don't "oh brother" me
kelly: yes you are
me: it looks more pissy than i meant it
kelly: ahuh
me: i'm just frustrated
10:05 AM you convinced me that it was something we could work on,
something we'd work on and now you're bailing.... that's ok
i just think it is funny
kelly: that is not fair Liz
since we have been back together, there is always conflict on
something, don't you think thats kinda odd
10:06 AM it eats the heck out of me
me: and you think the conflict is ALL me right?
becauase that's how it feels
kelly: I feel like I cant just tell you something without you
trying to convince me of another option to the thing i am telling you
in the first place
10:07 AM no, I dont
10:08 AM when you tell me something I dont argue with you about it
me: right
kelly: It seems like you are always challenging something when
it doesnt have to be a challenge
10:12 AM me: like i said. you feel like it's me
that's ok
whatever
10:15 AM kelly: but you feel thats its me right?
and if it is then thats reason enough
5 minutes
10:21 AM me: no, i didn't think there was a problem other than that i
haven't sene you and i didn't know why
now i know why
10:22 AM kelly: Its not like it seems
10:24 AM we are just so different, and I think sometimes that we are
just going to CRASH into this wall again and again and again, I
started to think about all those times of making love and then you
asking me to leave, and It just hit me, that you were right the first
time, that it would happen again, and I wasnt going to be convincing
you over and over that everthing is okay, because it didnt seem like
it was
you told me when we first met that you can be very difficult and I
took that as a challenge, and it just seemed to me that you kept it
going, after I was trying to proove to you that it wasnt one, it didnt
matter.
10:27 AM the thing with your friends boyfriend asking if I worked at
jiffy lube, and I said "no I have a high school diploma" and you
jumped right off as if it was a challenge or something to defend the
jiffy lube employees...as if they were your employees or you have to
save the world everytime I convict to saying something about someone.
The reason I said it, was because every JL employee I knew they didnt
have a high school diploma, but you jumped right in defending people
who werent even in our lives nor anyone you knew
10:28 AM yesterday with the mexican boycott, again I was just
expressing my view of it, and you jumped in saying "They are
boycotting because of..." Its like you think I dont understand or know
whats going on at times and it offends me totally, I live with a
mexican, I have a kid who is half mexican, I know all about them, but
it always seems like its a challenge with you, which takes me back to
the comment of you saying "i am difficult"
10:30 AM me: Whatever, that's ok, you don't want me to have an
opinion. And you take things that are said the wrong way. I can't
spend my life defending everything I say and think to someone who is
determined to take it the wrong way.
kelly: I think that some people love that about you, but It
drives me crazy, because I dont think that life needs to be so
complicated, it should just move smoothly, two people having
confidence in each other, unless it affects that persons life, then
maybe its going to rive up some questions, but defending Jiffy lube
employees because i said most of them are high school driop outs just
confuses me
me: yeah people think I'm difficult because I don't think they same
way all the other people do, I can't help that. but I have to be able
to explore ideas, weven if that means not agreeing with somne righ
toff the bat
10:31 AM kelly: Liz, of course you have a opinion we all do, but
it doenst seem like its a opinion your giving me
10:32 AM yes I agree about exploring and such, and I wouldnt have
talked to you if you were like all the other people, of course your
not in that instance. but those were debates or things to opinionate
me on, do you think they were?
10:34 AM How is explaining to me what the mexican boycott is about, is
a opinion of yours
thats not a opinion
10:37 AM I dont want to argue about this with you. You are my friend
and it seems thats what works best with us. It just does. or it works
best for me...but i dont know what is what, because in the begining it
was come and go, go and come, dont want you here, come over, leave,
and then it ended up that you wanted me to be there, but I still dont
know or understand all the past, the explanations were vague if there
at all.
10:38 AM me: well, i didn't knwo what i wanted either, but i thought
we decided to forget about that and move forward, i guess not.
10:39 AM kelly: in the end, I just think that we would both get
hurt more. I just know that
bEfOrE ~ AftEr
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