revisiting
04.06.2006 at 9:06 AM
The anxiety leading up to the interview with the investigator was much worse that in the interview itself. I�d say the interview was actually somewhat refreshing. To be able to speak candidly with someone without worrying about making them uncomfortable; someone who wanted to know anything from a gut-feeling, opinion, rumour, etc. it was nice to be able to speak someone who was not only interested in the facts, but in the speculations that fill in where there are no known facts.
It�s still amazing to me how my body physically manifests stress. There was the initial need to munch/nibble/snack and I think I went a bit overboard with the trailmix� too many nuts and dried fruit in one sitting = not a good thing�. so then there is the wondering if the queasy tummy is the anxiety or the quantity of fiber hmm�. The nausea.. the shakiness� the must-breathe-through-the-nose-because-if-I-open-my-mouth-I-might-pike. The tense muscles. Realizing that I�m clenching my jaw and fists. Lying still but unable to relax. Hearing my heart beating in my eat. That seems too fast.
No wonder I lost a tonne of weight when all this happened the first time. With constant adrenaline pumping my body was working overtime.
: : :
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