bbbrett, this one's for you
Wednesday, Jun. 09, 2004 at 8:20 A.M.
Have you ever been punched in the gut? I have. Now I am not scrappy, not much of a fighter, physically at least, and funnily enough the punch didn�t happen in a fight. It was first grade, and I don�t remember much about it except that after my friend punched me he claimed it was an accident. (How is socking someone in the stomach an accident?) The other thing I remember, other than going and telling on him to the teacher who was on recess duty, was that the blow had given me an almost uncontrollable urge to heave. But I, being one of those people with a stomach of steel and who will avoid barfing at almost any cost resisted and found that no real harm was done.
On a few other occasions I have felt that same sick sensation, like an imaginary fist found just the perfect spot to knock the wind out of me, leaving me wondering if I would toss my cookies. But after that initial first grade altercation, none of these were brought on by a fist, but by my own actions and the realization that I had done something wrong. Not only that I had done something wrong, but that it had been stupid, I should have known better and whether by carelessness or lack of forethought, I had hurt someone I cared about. There is nothing like realizing that not only have you made a mistake, but also that your folly has hurt someone you did not wish to hurt. Sometimes it is something that can be fixed with a simple but heartfelt apology; sometimes the bruises left can never heal.
The terribly sad, and yet reassuring part, is that everyone at one time or another causes a hurt like this. Sad because there is just no way around it, we are all idiots at one time or another, but reassuring because it reminds me that none of us are perfect and that not every hurt is intentional. The only hope I have for myself and for others that have received this invisible blow by their own hand is that we somehow learn from the experience, and it will be a long time before we have to face the displeasure of that self-induced nausea again.
I know this is not much condolence to the people reeling from the stupidity of their own actions, or to the people they unintentionally hurt, but just know that you are not alone and we have all done something stupid at one time or another that we would change if we could.
Chin up :)
bEfOrE ~ AftEr
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