need to get rid of this

04.10.2006 at 12:02 PM

And maybe if I write it out I will get it out of my system.
See, here�s the thing� I feel like I am there for other people, like I put myself out there especially when they need someone, and I guess I just don�t feel that in return.
K knew I was having a hard time, knew I had taken the rest of the week off because it had affected me physically more than I thought it would. Shakes. Increased heart rate. Overall jitteryness. Digestion issues (isn�t stress and anxiety fun?) but after Friday no contact from her.
C, she was concerned, saw I wasn�t at work, called to see if I was ok, but then wasn�t available when I was ready. I can�t blame her for that. But then she called back and was like �ok �go!�, like she had a few minutes to squeeze me in before she had to go. That�s just not the way I work. and immediately after that she asked me to baby-sit her girls. Now I don�t know about you, but if I know someone is having a hard time the last thing I am going to do is ask them a favor right then you know?
Anyway, done with that.
Gethin knew I had the interview, he is the one person who could really BE with me on this since we are very much in the same situation. But after several unreturned calls I realized that as much as I love that guy, he is never going to be able to be my support.
And bv, she is so wrapped up in her whirlwind life that she didn�t even notice I was MIA until Saturday. She called and we chatted a bit and I felt like she was really there for me� for a minute. She told me to come play later and to give her a call� which I did, and she never returned.
I guess the crux of it is I just wanted to have someone to rely on, someone who could drop every thing for me just once.

The thing is, I�m not really mad at any of them, cause I don�t blame them. I mean I know I�m not their priority. It just made me feel more alone because there is no one that has me in that top slot.

bEfOrE ~ AftEr

You have to figure ... if the world's fattest twins can find love, there's hope for all of us. Somewhere out there is another little freak who will love us, understand us, and kiss our three heads and make it all better.
~Carrie BradShaw~
~Sex and the City~

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