Apprehensive about nothing much
07.20.2009 at 10:09 AM
I am not a very social person. I generally have a few friends and keep them close and do without all the hubbub of having a large circle. That’s the way I like it. I like having a lot of down time. But when I am a friend I am fiercely loyal. (So I’ve been told) I see that. There are only a few people I let in and the rest I keep at more than arm’s length. I guess I just generally don’t enjoy opening myself up.
For whatever the reasons, what it boils down to is that I’m not an easily sociable person. Evan on the other hand will talk to anybody and give them what I think is too much information. He maintains friendships with so many people that I find it overwhelming. Well, I don’t know really that he maintains them as in keeping constant contact or anything like that, but if the change arises to see anyone from his past he’s all over it. This week is a good example; an old friend of his who loves out west is going to be in the area. So he arranged to play a round of golf with him. OK. Now it has expanded into golf tomorrow and a BBQ tonight. We are not hosting (Thank goodness the place is a mess and guests I don’t know REALLY stress me out!) but I am attending. So I am apprehensive about tonight, spending the evening with two or three other couples who I don’t know. Well, I know Evan, but he’ll be busy chatting with everyone, and one of the guys is someone I was in the naval reserves with, and I doubt I’ve spoken to him since that summer when I was seventeen. Not to mention we have to drive close to an hour to get there. I would so much rather stay home but I am not, and I am not telling Evan that. He knows I don’t care much for hanging out with a group, let alone a group of people I don’t know, but I don’t want to spoil it for him. He is genuinely looking forward to it.
The thing is, I didn’t used to be so anti-social. Sure I was shy, but in my moments of braveness I used to love a good party, or going out dancing, or going to a concert or whatever. Now I just prefer to be a hermit and keep to myself. I know it wasn’t a sudden thing, it has happened over time.
A good book is so much more appealing to me than going to a BBQ. But isn’t that weird? To prefer to read about someone else’s social life, real or fiction, rather than having one myself?
bEfOrE ~ AftEr
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