bravery or stupidity?

08.04.2006 at 9:57 AM


Strange that I�ve been battling with this on my own. I mean, it�s not like things have changes with me and Kelly, just my head playing with stuff.
I don�t know if it�s that I�ve been lonely, or I�ve realized that other options are really not options, or if I really just miss him.
I mean, what if I don�t try going down this path and in years I regret not doing it? Like other relationships I regret not taking chances with? Or am I just wondering this because inside I feel like this might be my only chance?
The bottom line is, I really don�t know. But I�m willing to explore it. I don�t want to go through my life being afraid of making mistakes and therefore missing out on my life as a whole.
So I wrote this� and unlike yesterday�s ramblings, I actually sent this:


You know hon, for someone who claims to know me, I find it surprising that you continue to talk dirty to me when I've expressed that I'm not particularly fond of that�. In my mind there is no point in talking about it, I'd rather just be doing it.
And since when did I say you could NEVER sleep over?
I don't know what's going on lately, you've been keeping your distance, and you seem to have a lot going on, but I really don't know anything about it because you've been keeping to yourself.
I find myself bouncing back and forth between the ideas of just never contacting or responding to you, and flirting with the idea you brought up (several times) of having a baby.
But let's be serious, if we were to go down that road we'd need to have long serious talks about everything. EVERYTHING. Goals, expectations, family, commitment, employment, etc.
I don't even know if this is something still in the back of your mind, and I don't honestly know how I really feel about it� but if we were ever going to even think about the idea we need to change the way things are.



bEfOrE ~ AftEr

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