Time

04.13.2011 at 3:28 PM



As I previously mentioned, I do not like to call it my biological clock, but my Logical Clock. Let's face it, I'm no spring chicken. The chances of getting pregnancy after the age 35 begin to diminish drastically each year. Also the chances of health risks to mother and child increase greatly, especially if the mother has not already had a child. These are facts. Scanty and no I don't have all the details memorized, but I know enough to know that time is of the essence.

So, after explaining these issues to Him, last spring I went off the pill. I really hate the idea of taking temperatures and using ovulating monitors etc, so I was really hoping that nature would just take it's course.

By the time I saw my endocrinologist in December there was nothing to report and I asked her a few questions to help me figure out timing without getting into actual tracking signs of ovulation. She was helpful and mentioned that if I was not pregnant by the time of my next appointment that I should ht ink about looking into some fertility testing.

ok
no big deal

I started paying attention to the signs she and I talked about and thought he and I were on the same page.
Thought

Until he flat out refused ot have sex with me when i thought i was probably ovulating. Hew said I was doing it for the wrong reasons.


Noow first of all, let me be clear, I was very much trying to make sure that I wasn't konly hainvg sex just to get pregnant. I mean I was trying to make sure that he knew it wasn't all about that. I thought that the prospect of MORE sex would be fine with hi.

And wait a minute, the WRONG reason? Biologically isn't it THE reason?

Then when I called ihm on that said we were too poor and too fat to have kids.


Now, I know I am not svelte, but I do what I can. I am not the unemployed one whi is at home all day who, as far as I can see is making no efforts to be healthier nor to really look for a job. He won't even discuss his job search with me!

So now I feel like he is actively telling me he does not want a family. I say the problem is TIME and that we are running out of it. He says that the problem is health and money and then seemingly is wasting TIME by not pursuing fixes for those things.


bEfOrE ~ AftEr

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