Apprehensive about nothing much

07.20.2009 at 10:09 AM


I am not a very social person. I generally have a few friends and keep them close and do without all the hubbub of having a large circle. That�s the way I like it. I like having a lot of down time. But when I am a friend I am fiercely loyal. (So I�ve been told) I see that. There are only a few people I let in and the rest I keep at more than arm�s length. I guess I just generally don�t enjoy opening myself up.
For whatever the reasons, what it boils down to is that I�m not an easily sociable person. Evan on the other hand will talk to anybody and give them what I think is too much information. He maintains friendships with so many people that I find it overwhelming. Well, I don�t know really that he maintains them as in keeping constant contact or anything like that, but if the change arises to see anyone from his past he�s all over it. This week is a good example; an old friend of his who loves out west is going to be in the area. So he arranged to play a round of golf with him. OK. Now it has expanded into golf tomorrow and a BBQ tonight. We are not hosting (Thank goodness the place is a mess and guests I don�t know REALLY stress me out!) but I am attending. So I am apprehensive about tonight, spending the evening with two or three other couples who I don�t know. Well, I know Evan, but he�ll be busy chatting with everyone, and one of the guys is someone I was in the naval reserves with, and I doubt I�ve spoken to him since that summer when I was seventeen. Not to mention we have to drive close to an hour to get there. I would so much rather stay home but I am not, and I am not telling Evan that. He knows I don�t care much for hanging out with a group, let alone a group of people I don�t know, but I don�t want to spoil it for him. He is genuinely looking forward to it.
The thing is, I didn�t used to be so anti-social. Sure I was shy, but in my moments of braveness I used to love a good party, or going out dancing, or going to a concert or whatever. Now I just prefer to be a hermit and keep to myself. I know it wasn�t a sudden thing, it has happened over time.
A good book is so much more appealing to me than going to a BBQ. But isn�t that weird? To prefer to read about someone else�s social life, real or fiction, rather than having one myself?




bEfOrE ~ AftEr

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